Homelessness is the loss of independence
My mother is 85 and fiercely protective of her independence. My sisters and I have spoken of finding an assisted living environment for her but she is adamant. She will be carried out of her apartment. She will not leave before her time. Even though her arthritis cripples her hands and swells the joints of her chest, she will not give up her independence.
Everyday at the Drop-In I witness people who have been forced to give up their independence. People who, through circumstance or happenstance, have lost the independence they cherished before donning the label of ‘homeless’. For them, defeat, apathy, depression compete with the lack of self-worth driving them further and further from indenpendence as they become reliant upon the one place they never dreamt they’d ever be, a homeless shelter.
Like my mother, they once cherished the ability to do what they wanted when they wanted. They cherished the idea of lying in bed in the morning, thinking about the day ahead and not.
I would agree that much of what you have said has some basis in truth. I’m not sure about how true it is that defeat, apathy and depression compete with lack of self-worth. but certainly society can make one feel worthless and ashamed to be at a homeless shelter if one is employable.
Having an elderly parent can be emotionally stressful as one tries to reconcile worrying about them, wanting to help them and wanting what is best for them, (possibly being limited by finances or something else in what one can do for them) and loving them enough to allow them their own goals as independent individuals. At one time the situation may have been reversed as they worried about you and helping you to become an independent person in modern society. Our society places great value on creating and being independent adults. To be dependent is equated with childhood and shame.
Perhaps there is a stereotype in your mother’s mind about an elderly carehome or assisted living that does not include the possibility of living independently in a condominium built around a nursing station. Maybe she is used to her apartment and will never be persuaded to leave it.
The clients of the DI do not form a homogeneous group so it is hard to speak generally about them. Some of the clients will never know anything other than the DI as their home.
One morning I witnessed a staff member of the DI help an elderly man get cleaned up and into some clean clothes. The staff member showed respect and compassion for the elderly man as if the elderly man was the staff member’s own father.
One has very little independence at a homeless shelter.
It is not the paradise some working spectators paying mortgages and property taxes in the city may imagine it to be. In many respects, people outside the shelters have no idea that the clients/guests exist. I certainly didn’t until I met some workers from the DI on a worksite.
Some of the clients try to maintain their sense of independence by ignoring all the independence limiting rules and regulations and they inevitably get themselves barred.
One has to get up every day seven days a week at 5:30 a.m. or 6:30 a.m. whether or not it is a weekend day or not, whether or not one has a broken leg or is feeling a bit queasy, has to be in court or when one starts work, if employable. One may be forced to miss breakfast to get to work on time in the morning. One has to go to bed by a certain time, one has to be in the shelter by a certain time each night even on Fridays and Saturdays. One has to accept being locked behind one or more doors all night until about 5:00 a.m. At one shelter, one has to endure random breathalyzer testing and making sure one knows the bedcheck times so that one is not in the washroom at 2:30 a.m. after being awakened by something and missing the bedcheck. At another shelter one has to accept random bag checks. One can’t just leave the shelter to work at a business across the street or a few blocks to the south but is dependent on chartered buses or vans provided by the shelter that go downtown. Sometimes the bus has been very late or not arrived at all. Once downtown, one can use city transit to go all the way back to the work site a few blocks away. One may not be allowed to leave the shelter to use city transit to get to work if one does not have a signed work confirmation. The work confirmation rule can even become a vicious circle where a job search or getting to a job interview is not possible because one needs bus tickets that are only given out if one has a job confirmation and can wait until a workday appointment a week later. Then one has to get to work for three weeks before receiving one’s first paycheck.
One accepts or should accept the food that is graciously provided whether or not one likes it or it is religiously taboo. One can’t keep food in one’s locker or consume it in bed. One can’t even make one’s own meals or control the mat spacing, mat or bed type or nightly noise or light level. One is limited by locker availability and size to the minimum number of belongings if one can get a locker. It is a bit awkward going to work with all of one’s clothes, blankets high school yearbooks etc. on one’s back. If the shelter runs out of toothbrushes, razors, towels, hot water, room on a shuttle van or bus, or no longer runs the 4:00 a.m. shuttle van one can’t justify complaining but must accept it. The shelter client/guest can be very dependent on the shelter to provide the basics of living.
Some of the rules and regulations at certain shelters can even become obstacles to greater independent living and life becomes a dwindling spiral into abject poverty and dependency.
I have seen some people trying to regain or maintain their independency by living outside even though they are not barred, buying razors, shaving cream, workboots, Value Village clothes, kettles, coffee whitener, sugar, noodles, microwave dinners etc. so that they are not so dependent on the shelter.